​There continue to be a lot of curve balls this year. A couple weeks ago we learned that my guinea pig Ivy had an abdominal mass, and we ended up needing to do an emergency spay. This is normally pretty routine with dogs and cats, but for small pets it's extremely risky and depending on what they find for emergency spays, they may not recover. As we saw with Archie last year.

Thankfully, she came out of surgery and bounced back quickly! It felt like the best news we've had all year (although I would've taken her not having a tumor in the first place too). She's a small creature, but she's tough. She even had babies when she was only 6 months old, before she was abandoned with them in a box outside. She's a trooper!

Meanwhile, since starting my new medications, I've been having trouble with my eyes. My right eye gets bloodshot almost every day and I regularly have tension headaches and light sensitivity, so much that I can't even look at a TV from across the room without wearing sunglasses. I've never really gotten headaches in my life, so the sudden onset seems to indicate that it's a side effect. There was one day where it was so bloodshot at night that I couldn’t fall asleep for hours. Eye drops didn’t help, and eye mask didn’t help, and I just kept thinking about how I could feel my swollen eyeball under my eyelids whenever I closed my eyes. I ended up taking a sick day because I got so little sleep and the idea of staring at a screen seemed awful. Later in the afternoon I tried drawing with an eye patch, but that really takes the wind out of my sails. Depth perception is way trickier with one eye, as you might imagine.

I spoke with my rheumatologist who recommended I make an urgent appointment with a rheumatology specializing ophthalmologist, but the appointment isn't until a month from now. He said that if that happens, I should just go to the Mass Eye & Ear ER and have an ophthalmologist look at my eyes day-of. There are many causes of a bloodshot eye and it's not worth taking any risks just because of scheduling. So yesterday my eye was again acting up and we made the trek downtown in the car. I was there for four hours and had a complete eye exam, which I've never had in my life. They asked when my last eye exam was and I said, "Uhm... never? I have 20/20 vision..." Really I had a few eye exams as a kid while on the same meds (which can cause longterm vision damage so they regularly monitor to stay ahead of it), but I think they were just basic look-in-the-machine exams. I was only 5 at the time though so I really don't remember.

During intake, they asked if I have had any falls, which reminded me to address that I have vasovagal syncope and it can show up for random reasons. Typical causes like blood tests and low blood sugar, but also more curious causes, like crowds, cold temperatures, smoke, hot temperatures, reading something grotesque, and not being able to sit down. They asked if it's triggered by people touching my eye and I said that I guess I wouldn't know until I tried it.

You can guess what happened next. The doctor gave me eye numbing drops to do a pressure test, and the instant I felt my eyes go numb and heard her say, "Now I'm just going to gently press on your eye", I started getting tunnel vision. After the 30 seconds that the test lasted, I told her I was starting to feel vasovagal and she reclined my chair, and a nurse and attending came in with cold wet towels to put on my forehead and neck. My blood pressure dropped down to 80/50 and they had to get me to actively breathe in and out because my heart rate was so low. I think I lost consciousness for a few seconds and came to while the attending shined a light in my eyes and asked if I knew where I was and if I could state my birthday. It took me about 10 minutes to feel better and they gave me some cold cranberry juice in the meantime. Certainly nothing that I haven’t experienced before, but always a little traumatizing.

Of course it wasn't over though. After that, I still had the majority of the full eye exam to go, so next had dilating drops. Again, this is all stuff I've never experienced before and without any eye problems in the past, getting drops feels really foreign, not to mention the added sensation of the specific drops in question. I started getting tunnel vision again, but luckily, after a brief machine exam, they needed to let me sit for a half hour while the drops went into effect, so I just sat in the dark room, reclined again, and tried to rest.

​The rest of the exam went fine, and it was really interesting to see the different tools used to look into the back of the eye and examine the nerves and fundus. It was so peculiar seeing a bizarre but crystal clear refracted image of the fundus; I thought I was seeing things when I realized I was seeing my own eye blood vessels! This is all very novel to me but I'm sure everyone else has experienced this multiple times. Not being able to see from my face to 5 feet in front of me was troubling though; I figured out how to do talk-to-text to let Chris know when I was done.

The results were encouraging; my eyes are structurally perfect, vision still 20/20 so headaches aren't a sign of needing glasses. Though the next step may be neurological diagnostics, perhaps including an MRI. I've had a couple at age 5 and age 12, because the disease originally changed the shape of my skull. The attending explained that when headaches and eye problems are not caused by the eye itself, the eye is attached to the brain so that's the next place to look. And while that might be a big jump in general (ie could it just be dry eye or side effects?), given my type of scleroderma, it's better to make that jump early and rule anything serious out. Which I appreciate.

On the brighter side, Chris is slowly feeling better. He still gets bouts of chest tightness and shortness of breath, but since it's now been going on for 3 months, he feels he has identified a trend that it comes every couple weeks or so, but the severity decreases each time. He's working on building his strength with chest exercises and hopes to start going back to work once a week in August.

As for art-related topics, which I haven't posted about in ages, I've officially completed 12 pages of the chapter. I had hoped to complete the first 18 pages by August (since the first 18 in this chapter are the most tedious, at 16 panels/page), but I hadn't accounted for all of the recent crises so I'd say I'm doing alright considering. I was going at a pace of a page a week, but now it's a page every 2 or 3.

Above are two panels that I like a lot; the first taking place at night so a lot more shading. You'll see that the first shot is violet instead of blue-violet. This is because caran d'ache doesn't make the exact shade of blue violet that I was looking for, so each time I have one of these darker panels, I draw in violet first, and then go over with Prussian blue (one of my favorite pigments in oils!) I really like the split complementary color palette of goldenrod, green, and blue-violet, and violet just looked too juicy for the subdued tone I'm looking for.

I made a time lapse of a few recent panels on Saturday. I think I was subconsciously remembering techniques from my ninth grade drawing class. I don't remember doing tracing in that class, but do recall using graphite paper (kind of like carbon paper) at some point in that class so we must have. I think we may have used similar techniques in my sophomore printmaking class in college too, when doing etchings? For this, I traced a setting I needed to draw two more times by using a tracing paper, and then made my own graphite paper by shading the back with a 2B graphite pencil. It worked really well! Hard to see on camera but just enough to go right over it with colored pencil and not need to go back with an eraser that much. Before this, whenever I had a repeat background I was using a ridiculous system of measuring and transferring and it simply wasn't going to be scalable. Maybe I'll invest in some actual graphite sheets next.

Almost two years ago, I got a beat on the documentary Tim's Vermeer, in which inventor and engineer Tim Jenison ventures to recreate a Vermeer masterpiece with a method he proposes Vermeer himself may have used.  To do this, he first manufactures a device that resembles the camera lucida, a 19th century drawing tool that superimposes the subject being observed by the artist onto the drawing or painting surface.  In this way, both the subject and drawing are viewed simultaneously, and the drawing process feels more like tracing.

Jenison then came up with a complex system of mirrors and lenses to be combined with the camera lucida, which he then applied practically by building an exact replica of the Music Lesson room.  With almost zero painting experience, the technique allowed him to recreate the painting almost exactly, capturing even the finest details, such as on the embellished harpsichord and the individual stitches of the draped Persian rug.

The possibility of copying from real life without the need for sight lines or a camera or grid lines is quite inspiring, and the documentary brought out my inner painting nerd.  When I went home that night, I immediately built my own mirror tool and set out to try reproducing the camera lucida device demonstrated by Jenison.  I used a small mirror from a makeup compact, wire, and a wooden base.   I was building it from memory and so there was a lot of trial and error.  But after some finagling, I came up with a stable device and tested it out by copying the cover of a Vermeer book, featuring "Girl with a Pearl Earring".  It took a few minutes to adjust to this new way of seeing, using a reflection as a drawing map, but after a certain point, it clicked.  The effect felt revolutionary.  It would have taken me hours to reproduce that drawing with gridlines, or just observationally there would have been a lot of erasing and correcting.  But the drawing took me only 45 minutes and it just came into being as naturally as though I were developing a photo.


That week, I was still itching to buckle down on my own experimentation and sat down to do some internet research on any other attempts to replicate Jenison's discoveries.  But strangely, there seemed to be a complete absence of investigations of the technique online.  So instead, I went to see the documentary again, this time equipped with a sketchbook in which I jotted down notes and drew some diagrams of Jenison's setup throughout his process. 


As the credits rolled, I was struck by how this documentary was receiving mixed reviews.  Across the aisle, a group of women entered a lively discussion on whether the documentary was a hoax, and how a man without any painting experience could possibly produce something so grand.  One or two called into question the legitimacy of the entire system, and said they would like for someone with artistic experience to replicate it.  Perhaps I was taking these comments too personally after having obsessed over the possibilities that could spring from Jenison's exploration, but I spoke up and told the women I had tried the technique and can confirm that it works perfectly well, and I am seriously considering incorporating it into my own paintings.  We exchanged our thoughts on the subject for several minutes with several other groups getting involved, until the theater attendant had to shoo us out to prepare for the next showing.  Who would have thought that an earnest artistic endeavor could polarize people so strongly!

A couple years since the documentary's release, there are now a few blog posts here and there with assorted attempts at the technique.  Some are successful, others dismiss the whole thing as a Penn and Teller hoax.  But quite contrary to this viewpoint, I am convinced that Jenison's technique is brilliant and potentially groundbreaking in observational drawing and painting.  I can back this up with hard evidence from my experiments, culminating in a complete oil portrait produced entirely with the Jenison method.  I have not had quite the budget, time, or resources to reproduce Jenison's full set up with a large lens and back mirror, which may be used to paint an entire space rather than a small image propped on a vertical plain, but my initial sucess with the first step leaves no doubt in my mind that it is entirely possible.


Along the same lines of Tim Jenison's creation, a company recently released a product called the Neolucita, or "The 21st Century Camera Lucida". It is an updated version of the camera lucida that allows an efficient superimposing of a contained subject onto the drawing or painting surface. I have been craving a chance to try one out, though always seem to check when it is out of stock. However, I've just placed an order and am expecting it shortly. Stay tuned for an update!

I was in the city this weekend and stopped by Kremer to restock the pigment pantry. And then my mom surprised me with the new set of retouching brushes. This is all in preparation for a very dear project coming up involving a diner from 1940s upstate New York. All those bricks should be interesting...

Kremer Pigmente is a shop in NYC that specializes in fine pigments and raw materials for painting.  The place is a gold mine for both classic colors and zany brights.  I picked up some cold-pressed linseed oil and dammar gum for varnish, as well as some fresh gold ochre and titanium white, but also invested in a turquoise that I thought would do well for a street sign in one of my paintings.  Also got my first glass muller, which makes paint mixing a lot more efficient and breaks up the powder so it can dissolve into the oil more fully.  Had to splurge on a fantastic set of retouching brushes as well.  Painting heaven.  Can't wait to go back.

George Kremer was also featured on one of my favorite Radiolab episodes, about color.  That particular segment is about the color Gambodge, and it starts at 15:47 if you're curious: http://www.radiolab.org/story/211193-perfect-yellow/

Check out Kremer here, you can also order online: http://www.kremerpigments.com